so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
