Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
