So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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