I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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