dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
