I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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