i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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