JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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