I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
