soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
