Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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