Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
