I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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