My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
