Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize