don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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