just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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