Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
