dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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