Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
