yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
