Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
