I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
