If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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