Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
