non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
