Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
