I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
