Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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