I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
