The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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