Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
