My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
