how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize