I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
