I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
