Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
