Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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