if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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