Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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