i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
