I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
