I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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