I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
