What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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