I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
