if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Less talking, more tequila
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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