i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize