I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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