You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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