If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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