is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize