There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
