I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
