I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
