Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
