# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
