I heard we made out
I faked an abortion last night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
