Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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