im about as happy as oj after his trial
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
