get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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