i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize