Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
