Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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