"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
