I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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