jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
