its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
