..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
