i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
