are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
