i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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