dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
