he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
