why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
