idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
