When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
