i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
