mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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