sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
