While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize