Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
