Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
