i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
