dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
