I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
