If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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