it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
