I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
