im having a threesome with these popsicles
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
