He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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