I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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