1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
