I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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