i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
