I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
