I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
