y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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