In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
