I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
