i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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