There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
