Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
