And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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