But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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