do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
