when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
