why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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