i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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