I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
