I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
