Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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