I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
