ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
