True but thats because hes a fetus.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
